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The closet

Updated: Jan 22, 2022

So with all the self reflection I’ve been going through over time with coaching and self-growth courses I’ve seen my own Good, Bad and downright UGLY.

I’m seeing there are some things I’m good with encountering and examining - like in High School Science class examining a leaf under a weak microscope. These are digestible things like why I get annoyed and angry when someone cuts me off in traffic or when I change lanes in a grocery store thinking the next lane is faster. Always resulting in checking out way later because my cashier is in learning mode.

By the way -- I’m convinced that people that aggressively cut you off driving are actually assholes in real life…

I’ve been doing this lately. My deepest, darkest closet definitely has to do with romantic relationships. Heck - I likely struggle with boundaries, openness and forgiveness with every type of relationship. But, currently… my deepest - darkest - heaviest closet doors have to do with romantic relationships. I’d say, I’m an understanding and loving mother, a supportive and loving daughter, an encouraging and loving friend, a mentoring and loving coworker

… and a downright fearful and closed off lover with protection layers like Hadrian’s Wall.

Opening the door and encountering those parts of you that are jagged reflections of you, or the sides that stir up sad, mad, angry, hurt emotions are not easy. What do you say to that version of you? Let’s say this instance of you that you are staring down is one of your friends. Isn’t it always easier to understand their circumstance - no matter how terrible? We always pause with compassion, understanding, empathy and even a hug to others that do “wrong” or struggle. We give loving guidance, advice, empathy and support. And yet… looking at yourself in the same situation, you are met with repulsion, judgment, impatience and even hatred.

These dark closets are the ones we least want to open. But imagine if you picked one - opened it and listened to that version of yourself with an open heart as if to a dear friend. The emotions, the experience and the lessons behind it all. Imagine giving yourself the support, encouragement, love and sheer understanding you allow others in your life. We are all - learning - growing - failing and above all capable of amazing compassion, growth, understanding and most of all LOVE.

I encourage you to:

  1. Open a skeleton door

  2. Observe and listen to yourself as your dearest, most understanding friend would

  3. What nuggets of wisdom and advice would you give

  4. What can you learn from this experience? What can you thank for where it has brought you today?


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